School has been starting all over the country this past week or two and already we are seeing stories of bullying online and parents asking for advice. We are seeing examples of schools trying to make an environment in which parents cannot bring forgotten items into school for their kids (this went viral recently).
Here is my take. We want to teach our kids to be little adults and problem-solve right? And we are also concerned with the lack of community in the world right?
Well these two can go hand in hand as long as we do not tell our kids that they are all alone. Seriously! If are hit in the face at work, we call the police and that person gets in serious trouble. So if your kid comes home and says that someone hit them, you should throw a shit fit because A) they told you so are asking for help and are frightened and B) we need to show them that they are not alone and we will stand by them.
Why the hell do we expect kids to resolve these on our own when as adults we don't? And we shouldn't! There is no reason to make a child solve these types of things on their own, our jobs as parents is to guide and protect our kids so that they see the best way to deal with a situation, not figure it out on their own somehow and then maybe even get into trouble if they make a decision that leads to trouble.
Why can't we help our kids? If we forget our lunch at work, we either can stop at the atm and go out and get a lunch or order in. Schools don't have that option, so why the hell can't a parent stop in and drop off a lunch? Homework I get, if you forget it, you're out of luck. But who hasn't forgotten something at home and had to drive home to get it, kicking yourself the entire way? But we could still leave, most kids can't.
So seriously, what is with this double standard we have for kids? Why are we so hard on them and call anything else helicopter parenting? It is only helicopter parenting if the kids don't want it at all in middle or high school. If they want it is called community, it is called helping each other out and isn't that the kind of adults we want in the world? What kind of lessons are teaching our kids?
When I was a kid, I needed help and never reached out to an adult because I didn't believe one would help me and I didn't want to make the situation worse. I hope to God that my kids do not feel that way and can turn to me.
My oldest rode a big bus to kindergarten and back and there was this little girl who sat next to her for a week or two. One day, on the way home from school, my daughter was pinched twice in the leg then smacked in the face by this little girl. She got off the bus sobbing and the bus driver hadn't seen what happened.
So I called the school and told them what had happened, and I didn't just complain to get the girl in trouble, I called because I wanted to make sure she was okay. 5 year olds do not just do that unless A) they are learning it at home or B) they are so stressed going home that they act out and maybe they need help.
Now my daughter is friends with this little girl and is going into 4th grade.
When I was in high school, I saw all sorts of bullying and sometimes I spoke up. I have a high sense of what is right and what is wrong and as an adult I am determined to speak my peace.
Think about it. Put yourself in their space. Parent compassionately. As an adult, how would you want to be treated if placed in this same situation? Remember, these schools are fishbowls and they cannot just leave like we can. They are trapped sometimes.
Here is my take. We want to teach our kids to be little adults and problem-solve right? And we are also concerned with the lack of community in the world right?
Well these two can go hand in hand as long as we do not tell our kids that they are all alone. Seriously! If are hit in the face at work, we call the police and that person gets in serious trouble. So if your kid comes home and says that someone hit them, you should throw a shit fit because A) they told you so are asking for help and are frightened and B) we need to show them that they are not alone and we will stand by them.
Why the hell do we expect kids to resolve these on our own when as adults we don't? And we shouldn't! There is no reason to make a child solve these types of things on their own, our jobs as parents is to guide and protect our kids so that they see the best way to deal with a situation, not figure it out on their own somehow and then maybe even get into trouble if they make a decision that leads to trouble.
Why can't we help our kids? If we forget our lunch at work, we either can stop at the atm and go out and get a lunch or order in. Schools don't have that option, so why the hell can't a parent stop in and drop off a lunch? Homework I get, if you forget it, you're out of luck. But who hasn't forgotten something at home and had to drive home to get it, kicking yourself the entire way? But we could still leave, most kids can't.
So seriously, what is with this double standard we have for kids? Why are we so hard on them and call anything else helicopter parenting? It is only helicopter parenting if the kids don't want it at all in middle or high school. If they want it is called community, it is called helping each other out and isn't that the kind of adults we want in the world? What kind of lessons are teaching our kids?
When I was a kid, I needed help and never reached out to an adult because I didn't believe one would help me and I didn't want to make the situation worse. I hope to God that my kids do not feel that way and can turn to me.
My oldest rode a big bus to kindergarten and back and there was this little girl who sat next to her for a week or two. One day, on the way home from school, my daughter was pinched twice in the leg then smacked in the face by this little girl. She got off the bus sobbing and the bus driver hadn't seen what happened.
So I called the school and told them what had happened, and I didn't just complain to get the girl in trouble, I called because I wanted to make sure she was okay. 5 year olds do not just do that unless A) they are learning it at home or B) they are so stressed going home that they act out and maybe they need help.
Now my daughter is friends with this little girl and is going into 4th grade.
When I was in high school, I saw all sorts of bullying and sometimes I spoke up. I have a high sense of what is right and what is wrong and as an adult I am determined to speak my peace.
Think about it. Put yourself in their space. Parent compassionately. As an adult, how would you want to be treated if placed in this same situation? Remember, these schools are fishbowls and they cannot just leave like we can. They are trapped sometimes.
